Catch me if you can!, originally uploaded by maltoodle.
*This isn’t my embroidery. Click through to see who owns it.
I don’t have a lof of self esteem, especially when it comes to body image. That should be no surprise to anyone. I wear a size 14. My butt bounces when I run. No matter how much weight I lose, I still feel like a loser.
It’s hard for me to run outside. On the treadmill, nobody can see me and I’m free to jiggle all over the place. Out in public I get paranoid. People stare, especially men. I feel completely self-consious. I am the only fat runner in the neighborhood. The running track next to our house is full of skinny women in tiny shorts.
Anyway, I was out for a quick 3 mile run yesterday (an “easy 3″ even though it isn’t exactly easy for me yet.) I saw a morbidly obese woman on a Rascal Scooter out walking her little dog. As I got closer, I waved hello and yelled, “Cute dog!” She smiled and started clapping and cheering for me as I ran past her. It almost made me cry.
It was a weird feeling. I started running so I wouldn’t end up like her–sick and disabled. Now I run because I love it–even though I’m slow and fat. I was bracing myself to be judged harshly for my appearance, but somebody out there treated me like a hero. It was a moving experience.
What could we all do if we didn’t fear criticism? What could we all do if we had a little encouragement? I’m going to run 1000 miles this year. I left my fear three miles back.
January 3, 2011
kniterdone
kniterdone
8 responses to “Outrunning Fear”
Tammy
January 3rd, 2011 at 16:54
I love how your blog post ended, was worried there in the beginning. I’m a 14 too (a very snug 14, er, mostly 16 myself) … but I never care how I look when I’m working out – in my neighborhood the folks are always friendly. At the Y – there’s no hope – there will always be the perfectly made up petite ladies playing tennis, while I’m sweating away in my baggy clothes. I like your idea of a goal! Maybe I should do that, too – instead of trying to fit in # of hours per week to work out, I should count the miles and see what I can do. Now you’ve encouraged me – thank you!!!
Marty
January 3rd, 2011 at 18:45
Aw heck, I’m an abundant size 18 and I don’t give a rat’s patootie what people think of my size. Yes, I would like to be thinner but I’m a health nut and I feel wonderful for being 60 years old, so who cares?
Ansie
January 3rd, 2011 at 23:12
What a great way to start the year! 1000miles + no fear. You are really inspirational!
thank you.
CraftyGryphon
January 4th, 2011 at 11:05
Hm. I’m starting the “Couch-to-5k” program yet again (made it to Week 6 last time – this time, 5k for sure!), and I think I’ll track the miles I run. Not quite like you are (1,000!! You rock to even *try* this, and I know you’ll do it!)… but 5k thrice-weekly by April is the goal. (Starting to grow out of the size 24 jeans… it’s time!) Woohoo!
Kristin L
January 5th, 2011 at 20:15
You go girl!
My husband started running, first because the docs said he couldn’t (back issues), and then as therapy for PTSD. It’s done wonders for his blood pressure too. He found he loves to run, and decided on 2010 miles in 2010. He made it, despite having to run the last 100 or so in Iraq.
Cheers to the New Year and achieving your goals!
Cristy Davies
January 20th, 2011 at 18:37
Tell it. I too am a 14, not an athlete, had cancer…etc. But I did a bike tour with my husband and it was hard but awesome, scary but exhilarating. We had done the whole 1200 mile thing, crossed the Golden Gate Bridge and we are going up Russian Hill in traffic, fighting MUNI buses. I was afraid. It was the end of a long ride and I was tired. I cut on to the sidewalk-in case I feel over or lost it. A homeless man in a wheelchair starts cheering and saying, “You go! You got it!” It was one of the best moments of the trip. For whatever reason his support meant the world to me. He was right and I finally believed it!
Karen Turner
February 11th, 2011 at 01:58
Thanks for stopping by my place yesterday. It’s been good to come over and catch up. I so admire what you’re doing with the running. I used to enjoy running until I got chronic fatigue and now it’s just not happening, no matter how determined I get. I hope one day to get back to it.
collin
March 14th, 2011 at 11:35
great way to start the year!!!!
Denver Therapist